What I want to accomplish....(you made it through the long post!)

I've been toying with the idea of being a personal trainer for some time now. It started back when I was in Boot Camp/BC. If my trainer could do it, so could I. It's only been till now that I can see it actually happening though. I'd love to be able to inspire someone, or help them with their own journey one day. I know I'm already encouraging my family to jump on the fitness bandwagon, and my Bible Study ladies, and my friends. It feels good to feel like I can actually help someone. Many great things can come of this. But first things first....who wants an overweight personal trainer?

In my current condition I still might not inspire an onlooker. I know I'd have my own doubts if my personal trainer didn't necessarily 'look the part,' you know? I want to be taken seriously. I want to look as if I know what I'm talking about. But I figure it'll take me a while to get through all the studying and the whole certification process and meanwhile I can be continuing to lose weight and tone up. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone, so to speak.

The last photos I have of myself where I'd say I could be somewhat 'comfortable' with myself again were at around 120-125 lbs and right now I'm 13-18 lbs away from that. So it is my goal to at least be there by the time I'm certified as a trainer, which I haven't even started yet. I think it's a reasonable goal to shoot for.

What I want by my birthday is to be comfortable enough with myself to actually be in pictures on my big day. I recently realized that my son barely has any photos of he and I together over the last 6 years of his life. I refused to get in front of the camera. I can count up the small handful of family Christmas photos taken almost every year and then one time I took professional photos with my son when he was a year old, and maybe just a couple of random photos early on. And that's it!! How awful is that?? I have this fear that one day my son will say, "Mama, where were you the first 6 years of my life?" It's sad, but true, I was absent from life for 6 years. But, hey, I said I'm stubborn right? And I'm a slow learner. All I can say is that I'm moving forward and I'm blazing a new path. I'm going to be present for my son, my husband, myself, and my loved ones.

It's new territory for me folks, and I'm learning as I go. I'm looking for whatever encouragement I can find for now so that one day, maybe I can be the one doing the encouraging.

And by the way, I finally took a picture with my son the other day for the first time in years and it was nice to not be afraid of a silly little camera. My son is more important to me than a silly little hang up of mine.