Day 2

Note: I am doing the Insanity workout every day. I just might not get time to post about it for a day or two. But I WILL post about my workouts. So eventually y'all will get to see the whole picture. I'm excited y'all. Thanks for following me on this journey.

Today's workout was called Plyometric Cardio Circuit. Amazing! I'm feeling stronger today! I know I'm not literally stronger. I just was able to push myself harder. It felt great! I didn't feel defeated at all. I was confident that I could do the workout, and I did it. It's a great feeling to be working out to this crazy dvd. The instructor is a good motivator too. What I don't like is how much all this jiggly fat hurts when I'm hurling myself into the air, jumping and kicking and such. Looking forward to shedding this layer of fat.

Here's an example of what today's workout looked like.

You warm up with things like a jog, jumping jacks, the Heisman, 1-2-3 Heisman, butt kicks, high knees, mummy kicks, then you immediately repeat it all, only faster, then roll into the set a third time only as fast as you can.

Next is the stretch.

Then the circuits start. First one looks like this: suicide drills, power squats, mountain climbers, ski jumps. It's about 3 minutes straight, you take a 30 second break, and then you  do it again, only faster. Another break. And again, as fast as you. Then there is a recovery exercise of scissor runs. Then we did a mini set of football wide sprints twice. Another break. Second circuit: basketball drills, level 1 drills (go down into plank, jump your feet back, do 4 pushups, then from the same position do floor sprints, then stand up, go back down and repeat), ski abs, in-an-out abs. Take a break. Repeat circuit, only faster. Another break. Repeat again, as fast as you can. Then without a break you do another recovery exercise of jabs. Followed that up by doing cross jacks, uppercuts, and attack jabs. Then you get a break and stretch. AGH! It's craziness!

Stay tuned y'all. More good stuff to come.

Day 1

To start things off, we did the Fit Test. It gives you the ability to track how many reps you can do per minute of certain moves. You repeat the test once every two weeks and focus on trying to improve your numbers. Today I definitely felt like I got my butt whipped. It was a challenge, that's for sure, but I'm glad I got to see what I am capable of. The encouraging thing was that the instructor, after each little exercise move, asked the participants in the video how may reps they just did and how many they used to be able to do-and I did almost exactly as many as they did when they were first starting out with Insanity. It was nice to feel like I wasn't so far behind everyone else. Made me feel good. The only thing is, I was so distracted by my fatigue that I kept losing track of exactly how many reps I had done in a couple of these exercise moves. So when I charted my numbers I had to guess a little. Oh well. Better luck next time.

So now I'll give you all my current stats.

Starting measurements:
Arms=11.5"
Thighs=22"
Waist=35"
Hips=40"
Chest=38"
Weight=138lbs.

First Fit Test:
Switch Kicks=93
Power Jacks=38
Power Knees=67
Power Jumps=15
Globe Jumps=7
Suicide Jumps=10
Push-Up Jacks=10
Low Plank Oblique=36


Can't wait to see how my numbers improve over the coming weeks. Hang in there with me y'all. I need all the support I can get.

Hey strangers!

So, what have I been up to lately?

Well, I definitely have been busy. As I said before, it's hard for me to stay focused with so much on my plate. I have had a lot going on in my life lately but I've never lost sight of the prize. Over a period of about two months I noticed myself hitting this plateau and I couldn't lose anymore weight. I felt like I was just spinnin my tires. I talked to several different people, and the answer was that I needed to change up my routine. So I tried a couple different things but I couldn't find anything that worked for me. It's hard enough to get into a routine with working out but then, to have to change it all up, and almost feel like you are starting over, that was even harder for me. I had to power through a lot of demons in my life and shut out all the negative self talk. It was an ugly mind game there for a couple weeks. But then...I saw this commercial for a new workout dvd.

It's called Insanity.

When I saw the commercial I KNEW it was what I needed to do. That was the missing piece to the puzzle. The only problem....money. So I had to wait a couple more weeks till I could afford to get the set. Found it on EBay for $70.00 when on the "Special TV Offer" it was $120.00!! Woohoo! Missy got a deal!!

I've been doing the workout for a while now. I wanted to get settled into my new routine and get comfortable with this new workout before I talked about it. But they did tell me to journal a lil about my workout every day so I could have something to refer back to when I'm through. So I have journal entries back from day 1 that I will go back and add here for ya'll to keep track of my progress.

So what's Insanity like? In a word....Insane.

I've never experienced anything like it before. The easiest way I can describe it would be to have you imagine doing a circuit of say, pushups, jumping jacks, lunges, and squats for about 30 seconds each at a moderate pace. Then you do the circuit again...only faster. Then you do the circuit again...at break neck speed! Then you go to another type of circuit and repeat the whole process....and so on. But people, it's not as simple as your regular old, run-of-the-mill pushups, jumping jacks, lunges, and squats. No, no. Nearly everything you do has you leaping off the ground. When ever your body has to literally take flight, it really steps up the workout a notch. It takes so much power to do that over and over. For example, one workout takes you from a squat position to leaping straight up in the air, to landing back in a squat position. Some of the workouts are like high school football drills. All of it combines cardio with working out. 2-for-1. It's extremely challenging. If you've never seen/heard of it before I'll attach the promo video so you can see a bit of what I'm talkin about.

Folks, I'm thinkin that taking my workout to a whole nutha level will successfully get me off my plateau. What do you think?

Need energy anyone?

Anyone else out there need a boost in their energy? Thought so. Well there is no shortage on ways to improve one's energy levels, that's for sure. And of course, eating right and working out are part of the equation. But when you need a lil help in the energy department, as I often do, you don't neccessarily want to turn to coffee, sodas, and so on. So what's a better solution? For me, it's SPARK from AdvoCare. It keeps me going all day long (now I'm sounding like a commercial). :-)

They have severaldifferent flavors. I have only tried the Fruit Punch and the Madarin Orange but I like them both. It reminds me of that Emergen-C fizzy stuff you drink to help when you have a cold. It's kinda cool. You can mix it in a tiny drink of water and take a potent lil shot of it. Or you can mix more water to have more of a Gatorade type of flavor. It does mix prety well, but I'd say not 100% just because if you don't drink it immediately a lil bit tends to settle at the bottom. But that's not a deal breaker for me, in this instance.

I've purchased it in the canister for something like $40-$50 and also in a box of individual packets for around $20. Either one is a good deal and it lasts a LONG time.

Nutritional info: It does have all kinds of goodies in it. Some of which are only 45 Calories(!), 11g Carbs, 45 mcg B-12, 200mg Taurine, and 120mg Caffeine (Seriously!), and much much more.

I'm no guru on supplements. All I know is what I like. I take mine super concentrated in a few ounces of water, chug it, and I'm good for the rest of the day. I make sure to eat something first or it makes me jittery. I've heard that some people even have to take half the amount suggested and that's all they need. Either way, it does it's job well.

I don't sell AdvoCare. I just like what they have to offer. I originally heard about it through my former trainer Cindy. She gave us samples to try. I have loved it ever since. AdvoCare is a great company. And they sell way more than just supplements. If you want to know anything more about it you can visit their site.

My soapbox moment: Now I also want to say, I'm not against coffee, myself. I LOVE coffee. But I limit myself to one a day, if at all. These days it's more out of ritual than neccessity because the Spark more than covers my energy needs. What I'm getting at is this, whether you use Spark, coffee, soda, or whatever to boost your energy, you should just be careful how much you have. As far as things like soda, I happen to think if you "have to" have it, make it something you "treat" yourself to maybe once a day. Use it as something you can look forward to in your day. Account for the calories and adjust your food intake accordingly so you are not going over your calories for the day. I think sometimes people view things like soda and coffee as something harmless that they can have as much of as they want in a day's time. But seriously, those calories add up (not to mention the inevitable water retention)! Imagine if you had cheesecake (seems like a more tangible example) as often as you had soda throughout the day. You'd certainly be more conscious of how many pieces of THAT you were eating in a day. But that much coffee and soda is just as bad for you. You have to be more conscious of the calories (and especially the sugar in the sodas) you are consuming even in the things you drink. If you truly LOVE it, that's fine. Hey, I'm not gonna kid myself into thinkin I'll never have coffee again in my life. Just change the way you think about it. Turn it into your "treat" for the day if you must. Don't just mindlessly consume it throughout your day. It adds up! Ok, there's my rant. I'm stepping down off the box now.

**Side note: Again, I was not paid for this review. Just my personal opinions on what works for me.

A word about supplements

Can I just say, it's difficult to find a good protein shake. I went through a slew of different protein shakes, like many people do. Then....I stumbled on The One. I was at GNC and I was actually looking for another shake I had heard good things about (ISOPure). Didn't find it there. So I started talking to the guy behind the counter. He was so helpful. It's was nice to talk to someone who actually sounded knowledgeable! Then he let me start sampling shakes for free. Totally awesome! After I tried a couple then he showed me one that he thinks is the best. It was in this massive blue jug. I was thinking, "Seriously? Who needs THAT much protein??" But once I tried it I was in shock at how good it was. Now folks....a lot of people say this shake or that shake is good. And they are ALL just plain awful. Honestly I think that most people go with the best shake they've tried and think that's as good as it gets. Pretty sad. We all know what most shakes are like. Chalky. Gritty. Nasty. Some are compared to a Slim Fast shake, some are similar to a Carnation Instant Breakfast shake, some are even reminiscint of that Ovaltine flavor. Well all I can say is that this shake was different than the rest and far surpassed anything I had tried before. In my opinion, this is one where I can safely say it's not just an unfortunate choice between a bunch of unfavorable options. To me, it's in a class by itself and puts all other protein shakes to shame.

Soooo, what is it already??

It's called MAX Protein.

I got the huge 5 gallon blue jug. And that size, if I remember correctly, it ran me something close to $80? It was so worth it for how long it's lasted. And like I said I got it from GNC, you may be able to find it elsewhere, but that's where I got mine.

Some important info: 118 Calories, 22g Protein, 1g Sugar, 3g Carbs, 48mg Sodium, 2g Total Fat, 24mg Cholesterol, 170mg Calcium, 95mg Potassium...etc. If you want details on the other vitamins and minerals let me know and I'll email it to you rather than listing it all off.

I really don't care as much about the specifics of the vitamin/mineral content if it is slightly better or slightly worse than others. The BIGGEST concern for me is the flavor. (And this one, it just goes without saying-it's totally rich and yummy!) Cause honest to God, if it tastes like nasty, gritty, chalk I ain't drinkin it! Makes me gag!! And that's the most important thing right? You need to be drinkin SOME kind of protein shake and if you are spending your hard-earned money on something like this then you wanna use it and not hate it and throw it in the trash. Am I right or am I right? :-)

So I obviously love this shake if I'm willing to go into such detail about it right? Well there's more...

FYI: When you mix it up, of course it's a lil easier if you have a shaker, the faster you shake it the easier it tends to mix. I rarely have a problem with it. If it happens to not mix as well, I actually let it sit for like 5 mins and then shake it up again. (To anyone who may not know, if you don't shake it up immediately the mix tends to clump together while it's just sitting there. So I let it sit and let the water soak into the mix then shake it again and that solves the problem for me.) I've never encountered a protein shake that mixed SO well. It actually mixes COMPLETELY smooth. Not a trace of gritty chalkiness. (Did I just make up that word?) It does NOT have that thick, chunky, almost slimey sort of texture to it. THANK GOODNESS! It's thinner than a milk sort of consistency. You know that premixed chocolate milk you can buy? It's thinner than that. You just have to try it to see what I'm talking about. If you really wanna know, go to a GNC, ask them for a sample of it since you've heard me rave about it.

**Side note: I've been advised to say that I was not paid to post this review. Just giving my opinion for free to help anyone out there that's in the market for a GOOD protein shake. So I hope ya'll found this information helpful.

Note-to-self:

In the future, thou shalt not attempt to start up a new business whilst in the middle of making sweeping lifestyle changes. Not a good idea.


Explanation:

As I'm sure I've said before I'm only able to give 100% to one thing at a time. If I have to split my focus something will always suffer. Starting a new business meant my focus had to be split between working out, being a mom, and the new biz. Which translates lately to 60% of my time going to the biz, 30% of my time going to my son, and 10% of my time going toward working out. Not good. So after talks with The Hubs, I decided to rearrange my priorities to include less time toward the biz and more time to working out and having fun with my son. I don't know any situation where any of these things could be perfectly balanced. And it's certainly not possible for them all to get 100% of my time and attention. I don't like that but I'm learning to accept it. So....I'm off to workout. Praise. The. LORD!

This one's for The Hubs

A song I'm dedicating to my love.

5am!?! Are you CRAZY?!?

If you read my last post then you know I've been a little busy lately.

In my life it seems that either nothing is happening at all, or everything is happening all at the same time. I rather like it when nothing is happening at all. :-) And I get tremendously stressed when everything happens at the same time. :-{

I don't deal with stress well. I tend to shut down. How do I fix that? I have no idea. I'm the type of person who can give 100% effort to only one thing at a time, and for a while now that's been me working out. And that's been WONDERFUL! But I don't do well when I have to split my focus into a bunch of different things at the same time. Something always suffers. I've not been capable of giving 100% to several things at once. It just doesn't seem to compute with me, I don't know why. It's more like 30% here, 40% there, 20% over here, and 10% on that. It sucks. Currently I've had something like 5 days without working out because I've had so much stuff on my plate (but yes I've still been behaving on what I eat--don't want to move backward on that scale that's for sure!).

I've been used to working out for 2 hours at a time and that's hard to fit in right now. Most people use the arguement that if you've got 10, 20, even 30 minutes to work out then there's no excuse for you not to work out. While that is true and all, I like my 2 hour work out. I feel productive and successful each time. It's just the way I like it. It just only seems to work when I've got nothing else going on in my life. (Yes, I do have a very boring life normally. Ha!)

Now I can make a choice to shorten my work out for the time being, or I could work out earlier in the day. I don't like shortening my work out, though that's still a possibility. The thing is, when I need to change something in my life, the things God tells me I need to do MOST are the things I want to do LEAST (is this true for any of ya'll as well, possibly.). What are those things in my life? I feel compelled to change my routine to a 5am work out to save time during the day. But I've always made excuses why I shouldn't....and that's the key right there. It's the thing I want to do LEAST. I'm not a morning person, AT ALL. So to me the thought of waking up even earlier than normal makes me want to curl up into the fetal position, and whine and cry like a baby. Why do I hesitate on this so much??

What I've found to be true in the past is that things I've procrastinated on, turn out to be the quickest, easiest things, and then I wonder why I put it off and made such a big deal out of it. So still, why am I dragging my feet about this?? I think part of it is my fear of the unknown. I like to have the answers. I like to know what's going to happen. AND my fear of failure. I've had this work out routine down for the last 2 months and it's felt great. I've had the wonderful opportunity to put 100% focus on it. I'm thankful I've had that opportunity. I've had the chance to take it slow, pace myself, and establish a great routine, one that I know I will continue to be successful at. I just have this fear that changing up that routine will cause me to fail.

So a 5am work out. That's new. I can do the same things I've been doing, just earlier. I get to start my day when a lot of other people's day starts. It'll feel like I have more hours in my day. There are waaaay less things to distract me at that hour also, which is really a huge benefit. So, even though I'm freaked out about it, I'm going to try it. Worst case scenerio, I could switch to a shorter work out and save time, which is not a bad thing. I'd just like to request some support and especially encouragement from ya'll on this one. I know it's strange of me to ask ya'll for help but I need it on this one. Ya'll really keep me going. This is a busy and stressful period of upheaval and change in my life right now and I don't deal with it well at all. I kinda need to lean on you for a little bit if you don't mind.

Yes, I did actually fall off the face of the earth...

So, clearly I've been busy lately. I've been dealing with a lot of chaos in my life. It's just been one of those times that pop up in my life where suddenly I have a bunch of things that need to get done all at the same time. I've felt overwhelmed and stressed out to the max. It's been a challenge.

One of the many things that's kept me busy is that I've been trying to finish an order I recieved for 5 floral arrangements. But I've only been able to do a little here, a little there, and the project has really been strung out. I've had many interruptions of other things that I needed to stop and do, delaying the order. So many different things I can't even remember them all. Ugh.

And then there's tax time creeping up. Stress. Procrastination. Stress.

And I took on the rather daunting task of making 2-3 weeks worth of meals all at once and then freezing them. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Due to poor planning and time management though, it turned into a 2-day ordeal. 12 meals split up into individual servings, placed in tupperware and frozen. I've heard of people doing that, just never had the guts to try it. But I did. A bomb exploded in my kitchen and the rest of my house in the process. It's all good though. We saved money....in the long run I'll be saving time....and hey, I don't have to worry about wasting leftovers. So it's great. Maybe I'll make a separate post about that later.

Now about this messy house.....

In the meantime, ALL of this stuff has kept me from starting a new business endevor with the Hubs. Yes, this puts any thoughts of being a personal trainer on hold, but it's for a good reason. We've been desperate for money recently and this new business is what could really solve that problem for us and quick! I've just needed to take care of these other things first.

Was it neccessary to share all that with you? Probably not. Just felt like explaining what's been going on with me lately. I know ya'll have just been on the edge of your seats wondering about me. ;-)

Did you see that status update??

I'm down 29 pounds!! That's 1 pound away from my first goal! I wanted to lose 30 pounds by my 30th birthday!! I wonder how much more I'll be able to lose by my 30th birthday?!? I'm so excited!

Work Out Examples

So Month 1 went something like this:

Upper Body Day-

1. Chair Dips
2. Sit Ups on a Balance Ball
3. Push Ups

I'd do 15 of each one then I'd repeat that 2 more times for a total of 3 sets. (And I had to work up to that 15!)

Then I'd do 60 minutes of cardio on my treadmill. I'd have it set at max incline at 2.5mph with a 2 minute warm up and 2 minute cool down.

Lower Body Day-

1. Forward Lunges
2. Sit Ups on a Balance Ball
3. Calf Raises

Again, 15 of each, 3 times. Oh but that's 15 PER LEG on the Lunges and Calf Raises...

And, again, I'd follow up with the exact same cardio.

**********

Now Month 2 is going something like this:

Lower Body Day-

1. Reverse Sit Ups on a Balance Ball
2. Leg Lifts
3. Side Crunches-30 of these total
4. Lunges out to the side

Same as before, 15-15-15 (per leg on Leg Lifts and Lunges out to the side) , repeat 3 times.

Cardio changed up a bit. Now it's more like 60-75 minutes on the treadmill. No incline. And I adjust the mph at all different time intervals. One day might look like this:

5 minutes 3.0 mph
5 minutes 3.5 mph
2 minutes 4.0 mph
5 minutes 3.5 mph
5 minutes 3.0 mph
2 minutes 5.0 mph
5 minutes 3.0 mph
1 minute rest

(REPEAT for a total of 60-75 minutes)

Lower Body Day-

1. Arm Rows using Stretchy Bands
2. Standing Abs-30 of these (almost like doing a standing bicycle)
3. Tricep Extentions using Stretchy Bands
4. Standing Abs Side Crunch-30 of these (arms at your sides, bend sideways at the waist)

3 Sets of 15 reps each (per arm on these), same as before

Then Cardio this day would be more like 75 minutes of cardio on the treadmill with no incline and speed set at these intervals:

10 minutes 3.0 mph
10 minutes 4.0 mph
10 minutes 3.0 mph
2 minutes 4.0 mph
2 minutes 3.0 mph
2 minutes 5.0 mph
2 minutes 4.0 mph
2 minutes 3.0 mph
10 minutes 4.0 mph
10-20 minutes 3.0 mph

And yes, I always do a warm up and cool down, and stretching. Stretching is a must! And water too! So the main thing is to keep your body guessing. I love how no matter what I'm doing it's a challenge for my body. Some work outs may seem simple, some may not, but I know they all kick my butt. Is this all clear as mud? If you don't know what a certain work out is, let me know, I will try to describe it a little better. Wish I had pictures but I don't. And I definitely enjoy the work out part more than the cardio at this stage. My lungs are just out of shape. Blah. I also love how Boot Camp/BC taught me so many moves I can do just using body weight or regular household items instead of free weights or awkward equipment (if you've ever seen Biggest Loser we did a ton of the exact same moves that they do on the show, just without the yelling/screaming trainer). I want to make a point of doing as many things without the aid of gym membership as possible....not that there's anything wrong with a gym, I just need to not rely on a gym for myself right now. Another goal....

A day in the life of...

Here's a couple days worth of my "foraging". Again, I'm no expert, and I'm really rather boring about what I eat. I tend to like to eat the same things on a regular basis so you may see a couple of things repeating themselves.

Day 1:

Coffee
Cereal + Almond Milk
Broccoli Cheese Soup
Mixed Steamed Veggies
Chicken + Cheese Enchiladas
Vanilla Yogurt + Walnuts + Cinnamon/Sugar (I know, I know)

Day 2:

Coffee
Scrambled Eggs + Veggies + Cheese
Tomato Basil Soup
Edamame
Broccoli Cheese Soup
CHOCOLATE!! (Again....I know)

Day 3:

Coffee
Cereal + Almond Milk
Broccoli Cheese Soup
Apple Chai Tea (mmmmm!)
Lasagna
Bread + Butter

So, yea, I'm not perfect, clearly. And I am pretty predictable, but I love what I love. Works for me. Some days are better than others. But on average I'm munching on something like every 3 hours or so. If you are interested in the whole "foraging" thing, just plug in foods that would work for you. One thing that I have definitely noticed is that I have waaaay more energy, which is AWESOME! And when I keep a steady amount of food in my system, I crave sweet stuff waaaay less. For the critics out there, I used to eat something sweet all day long, part of every meal and snacks in between (my sisters were witnesses), so THIS is progress. Haha!

What's working for me?

Well let's see...

Food:

Of course, I'm watching what I eat. No more mindless eating. I don't eat to fix a bad mood either. Though I do still start my day with a Coffee (or "Coff" as my sisters and I call it). I eat constantly throughout the day. I'm sure that my way isn't perfect and it may not work for everyone. I still have plenty of tweaking to do. But at least what I am doing has helped me get this far and it's helping my metabolism get back on track. I never really liked the idea of sitting down to 3 big meals a day anyhow. This way is more like "foraging", keeping a steady, smaller amount of food in your system. It's not probably ideal what I eat. But as I've said before, it's baby steps. The steps I've taken have done well for me even if they aren't ideal. I mean, I loosely keep track of calories in my head as the day goes on. I keep portion sizes small of course. But I don't, at this point, make sure it's the more "balanced" type of meal with like a protein/carb/fat or whatever type of meal. I'll get to that later. It's a goal. (And I don't beat myself up if I eat a piece of cake at a birthday party. I'm not going to fool myself, at this stage of the game, into thinking I can be perfect. Give yourself some slack every now and then. Just be reasonable.)

Exercise:

And as far as working out, I change it up every month. After about 4-6 weeks your body gets used to whatever routine you've established so you have to change it up to keep your body challenged. The first month my routine wasn't too fancy. I started slow cause I didn't want to overwhelm myself and burn out. I'm on my second month of the work out and I stepped it up a notch. Now I switch from a list of things to do for lower body one day and a list of things to do for upper body the next. I'm not working out on the weekends really. Only if I happen to miss a day during the week. But again, it's a goal. (And, no, I don't beat myself up if I miss a day of working out. The end result is that I AM working out. It IS a part of my life. It's a new lifestyle, a new habit. I'll work out the next day. It's not going to discourage me or get me off track. Keep it in perspective people.)

***The most important thing, I think, is to do what works for you. Everyone is different. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Don't try to do what someone else does just because it sounds good. Listen to your body. Your body will try and tell you what it is capable of. I'm no expert, though I hope to be one day. I just really did a lot of trial and error and tried to find what worked best for me. If I had all the money in the world, I know, for me personally, Boot Camp/BC would have been the way for me to go. There's people there to encourage you, there's friendly competition, and you've got a knowledgeable trainer there showing you what you need to do and holding you accountable. But since I can't afford that right now, I had to really do some soul searching to do it all on my own. I pulled from what I learned in BC to use for my current work outs, and that helps a ton. But it was really just about me deciding enough is enough. No more excuses. I decided I have no choice but to suck it up and depend on myself, not anyone else, to get me where I need to be. And that's what we all need to do, eventually get to a place where you don't have to depend on anyone else to keep you fit, as your end goal. But at first, if you need BC, go to BC. Or if you need to work out with a friend, work out with a friend. Whatever you need to do, just do it. Just do something. Something is always better than nothing. You have to care enough about yourself to do the work and ignore any lazy tendencies or excuses. I'm no saint. I don't love working out, another goal I'm working on, but I do it anyhow. There's been plenty of times where I've been angry with my treadmill. I've shouted at it, stomped on it, thrown a little fit, even prayed for God to help me get through it. But I kept going and didn't give up. I got myself into this mess and I'm the only one who can get me out of it. Be angry if it'll help you deal with it. It's tough starting out, but just don't quit!

I'll post examples of my food/work out next. The end message here is this, for the love of all that is healthy,

j u s t   d o   s o m e t h i n g !

My Inspiration

I know that God has given me the tools to succeed. He has given me the ability to pull myself out of this pit. I've had the answers all along. I just had to stop making excuses and start believing the truth. He will strengthen me on my journey. I am following His lead every step of the way. I know that I will succeed. At times I still need encouragement. Here's some of the things I have found/read that have helped me.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"
Philippians 4:13

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a song of praise. Many will see what He has done and be astounded. They will put their trust in the Lord."
Psalm 40:1-3

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."
Isaiah 41:10


And also, these tidbits of truth I've recieved from countless emails, for when I need to be honest with myself....

...sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel...

...no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt me every once in a while and I must forgive them for that...

...it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be...

...I CAN keep going long after I think I can't...

...I am responsible for what I do, no matter how I feel...

...either I control my attitude or it controls me...

...maturity has more to do with what types of experiences I've had, and what I've learned from them...and less to do with how many birthdays I've celebrated...

...it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, I have to learn to forgive myself...

...no matter how bad my heart is broken the world doesn't stop for my grief...

...my background and circumstances may have influenced who I am, but I am responsible for who I have become...and who I am yet to be...

...my life can be changed in a matter of hours by people I don't even know...


And some famous quotes I've stumbled upon that inspire me...

--"The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment, it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone." (This encapsulates the theme of this site, it's my life's anthem right now.)
–-Orison Swett Marden

--“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.”
--Anthony Robbins

--“Discontent is the first step in progress. No one knows what is in him till he tries, and many would never try if they were not forced to."
–-Basil Maturin

--"You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving."
–-St. Francis de Sales

--"Since no one is perfect, it follows that all great deeds have been accomplished out of imperfection. Yet they were accomplished, somehow, all the same."
–-Lois McMaster Bujold

--"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face."
–-Eleanor Roosevelt

--"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
–-Lao-Tzu

--"All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and frustration is this: Act as if it were impossible to fail."
--Dorothea Brande

--"Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best."
–-Henry Van Dyke

--"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
–-Anna Quindlen

--"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
--T.S. Eliot

--"Vitality shows not only in the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over."
–-F. Scott Fitzgerald

--"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear."
–-Mark Twain

--"Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight."
–-Helen Keller

--"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
–-Aristotle

--"Courage is very important. Like a muscle, it is strengthened by use."
–-Ruth Gordon

--"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be."
–-Groucho Marx

--"You miss 100% of the shots you never take."
–-Wayne Gretsky

--"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome."
–-Samuel Johnson

--"Victory is won not in miles but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more."
–-Louis L'Amour

--"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
–-Theodore Seuss Giesel

--"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."
--Albert Einstein

And I'll end with this, my favorite quote...

"Heal the wounds, but leave the scars Lord God, that I may never forget your hand of grace and mercy in my life."

What I want to accomplish....(you made it through the long post!)

I've been toying with the idea of being a personal trainer for some time now. It started back when I was in Boot Camp/BC. If my trainer could do it, so could I. It's only been till now that I can see it actually happening though. I'd love to be able to inspire someone, or help them with their own journey one day. I know I'm already encouraging my family to jump on the fitness bandwagon, and my Bible Study ladies, and my friends. It feels good to feel like I can actually help someone. Many great things can come of this. But first things first....who wants an overweight personal trainer?

In my current condition I still might not inspire an onlooker. I know I'd have my own doubts if my personal trainer didn't necessarily 'look the part,' you know? I want to be taken seriously. I want to look as if I know what I'm talking about. But I figure it'll take me a while to get through all the studying and the whole certification process and meanwhile I can be continuing to lose weight and tone up. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone, so to speak.

The last photos I have of myself where I'd say I could be somewhat 'comfortable' with myself again were at around 120-125 lbs and right now I'm 13-18 lbs away from that. So it is my goal to at least be there by the time I'm certified as a trainer, which I haven't even started yet. I think it's a reasonable goal to shoot for.

What I want by my birthday is to be comfortable enough with myself to actually be in pictures on my big day. I recently realized that my son barely has any photos of he and I together over the last 6 years of his life. I refused to get in front of the camera. I can count up the small handful of family Christmas photos taken almost every year and then one time I took professional photos with my son when he was a year old, and maybe just a couple of random photos early on. And that's it!! How awful is that?? I have this fear that one day my son will say, "Mama, where were you the first 6 years of my life?" It's sad, but true, I was absent from life for 6 years. But, hey, I said I'm stubborn right? And I'm a slow learner. All I can say is that I'm moving forward and I'm blazing a new path. I'm going to be present for my son, my husband, myself, and my loved ones.

It's new territory for me folks, and I'm learning as I go. I'm looking for whatever encouragement I can find for now so that one day, maybe I can be the one doing the encouraging.

And by the way, I finally took a picture with my son the other day for the first time in years and it was nice to not be afraid of a silly little camera. My son is more important to me than a silly little hang up of mine.

More pictures...

Since that last post was so lengthy, I decided to add photos to another post.

Here's photos of me a few months before I got pregnant, me sporting the baby bump just 6 short years ago, and me about 2 months after my son was born.

How I got here....(it's a long story)

I was always 98 lbs as long as I can remember. It's the way my mom was, and my grandmother. It was one of those things where I had no control over how much I weighed. I wanted to weigh more, and believe me I tried, but I was just stuck at 98 lbs. I actually got made fun of, as if it was my fault I weighed 98 lbs. People would joke and say, "Oh, that must be tough weighing all of 98 lbs," or "Oh I wish I had you're problems." It did hurt my feelings at the time, seeing as I was already self-conscious enough. The thing I lacked though, was seeing it from their point of view. I'd always seen other people struggle with weight but never experienced it. I even watched my mom and grandmother, former 98 pounders, now struggle with their weight. But oddly enough, I never thought I'd be that way. I was naive.

It wasn't until I had my son, at the age of 23, that I began to see what it was like to struggle with weight. Being the naive person I was, I actually believed people when they said I'd lose all the baby weight so easy and fit right back into my old clothes. I think I must have believed the weight would literally come off on its own. I gained about 40 lbs when I was pregnant (9 lbs, 5 ozs of it was baby....yes, you read that right), stretching my skin to its limit. I gained almost all of it in my belly for some odd reason. The last time I measured my belly it was over 40 inches around. The belly was stretched so thin that if I scratched it, it would bleed. Still haven't quite recovered from that. ;-)

Of course I lost the water weight, amniotic whathaveyou, and the big bundle of baby in my belly, but I was left with about 12-15 lbs of weight that didn't fall off magically. (Surprise!) Now, believe me, looking back I realize I really had nothing to complain about. Oh but hindsight is 20/20. If only I knew then, what I know now. But for me and my low self-esteem, 15 lbs was the end of the world. I dove right into all this self-loathing that was super unhealthy. And depression set in. It was a not a good time in my life for sure. About 6 months after my son was born a friend advised me to see a doctor for the depression. Thankfully I listened to her and started on some antidepressants. (I'm not advocating antidepressants/AD, in fact I don't like them myself-all I can say is, at the time, it was the best choice for me.) The AD were not a cure all by any means, and I found myself 'eating my feelings' for the first time in my life. It was as if I believed what I ate was the only thing in my life I could control. Apparently though, that good ol' healthy metabolism of mine was long gone. I've joked about it saying, "Pregnancy broke my metabolism." But truthfully it wasn't about the pregnancy, it was about me being immature, naive, and irresponsible with my body.

It's now been 6 years and I've steadily gained over 10 lbs a year! About a year after having my son my eating habits actually got worse. It's almost like I thought, "Well the weight isn't coming off by itself (duh!)so what the heck, I'll just eat whatever I want since there's no turning back now." Yes....yes, it was stupid of me. That hindsight I mentioned, now crystal clear, if only I'd realized how much easier it would have been to lose 15 lbs instead of 65+ I'd have done it back then! But I had some growing up (and out!) to do. Like a lot of people, I'm a stubborn person who has a hard time listening to what other people tell me to do, instead I've got to live it out and learn from it on my own to gain the first-hand personal experience from it, in order to appreciate it. I know, I know, I aggravate MYSELF sometimes with this.

In January 2007 I was finally upset with myself enough to do something about it. I went to a ladies fitness "Booty" Camp/BC (as I call it)that was owned by a friend of the family. The owner went through a struggle with weight herself, joined a BC, lost the weight, and was inspired to start helping others. I thought, if she could do it, I can do it. So I was off to the races. It was the hardest work I've EVER done. I remember very clearly sweating more than I had ever sweat in my life, and several instances where I had to stop myself from puking.

Unfortunately BC costs money, and when the recession first hit, BC was the first thing that had to go. A year went by, I gained back what little I lost, plus 10 lbs. Then in January 2009 I was able to start at BC again because I had saved up for it over my year long break from some odd jobs I did. So I worked hard, again. Sweat my butt off, again. And nearly puked, again. I saw some serious muscle gains for the first time in my life. I felt powerful. I felt unstoppable. Then....you guessed it, the money ran out, again. See, I had expected, naively, to be able to get back in shape before that savings of mine ran out. The problem was, I also thought I'd be able to get away with not doing any cardio on the side, and also still eating whatever I wanted. I thought surely with as hard as I was working out the rest would just take care of itself. So, again, I gained the weight back and then some. This time it only took me 6 months to put on about 25 lbs!

In the Fall of 2009, being at 165, the heaviest I've ever been, and being able to fit into my husband's clothes, I had had enough. I joined a ladies Bible Study and part of it was dedicated to improving your health so we all held each other accountable, encouraged/motivated one another, and each week we'd track any weight losses. My progress started slow. I simply changed my eating habits (no, I was not 'dieting'). I cut waaaay back on junk food and I no longer went to food to fix a bad mood. I became active. I went from being sedentary on my couch to working in a Christmas store the Hubs and I opened up. I don't think a day went by at the store where I had a moment to sit down. And time went by so fast. I was having fun, doing what I love, and I couldn't get enough of it. (If you didn't happen to guess, I'm a little coo-coo for Christmas!) Then Thanksgiving rolled around. I happened to buy a scale, hadn't had one in years, and I actually decided to weigh myself. I was down 17 lbs!! I nearly fell over. I didn't expect it. I could hardly believe it. I got right back on the scale and check it again, and again, just to see if it was correct. I checked it several times a day for several days just to see if it was still the same. It didn't change. I really lost 17 lbs. The incredible thing was, I had forgotten I was trying to lose weight. I was so busy during the Christmas season having fun that I didn't notice what was happening. You'd think I'd have noticed my clothes fitting differently but I didn't.

I decided to tell my family about it just because I needed some encouragement one day. I didn't figure anything further would happen. Then Christmas came around. I kind of blew off the weight loss assuming, with my luck, it was just some fluke thing. I happened to weigh myself again before Christmas out of curiosity. It said I'd lost 20 lbs! I couldn't believe it. So this time I told my family AND my friends. I was still a little cautious and hesitant in believing it. I wanted to keep holding my breath. I thought surely there was a catch, something I'd missed. It was just too good to be true. I didn't want another disappointment. I didn't want to get my hopes up, and everyone else's for that matter, just to fail again. So I remained reserved about it. I was thankful! But I was still holding my breath.

Then after New Year's, again, I crept onto the scale, crossing my fingers...23 lbs!! What?!? I had to be seeing things. This time I was excited. I couldn't help it. Was whatever I was doing actually working?? Some people might think, "Of course it was working silly!!" But I had NEVER lost that kind of weight before. I mean, before having my son I was consistently 98 lbs. Never had to guess. It was just always the same, unwavering. Once I had my son, the weight that came off, I didn't even consider that to be fat. As I mentioned above, 'water weight, amniotic whathaveyou, and the big bundle of baby' wasn't the problem, it was the 12-15 lbs that remained that was the problem and I never lost it. I only gained weight from there. And BOTH times I was in BC I lost a maximum of like 12 lbs. So 23 lbs was an astonishing accomplishment for me. This was new territory for me folks. Even though I still kind of felt like I was dreaming, I was too excited to keep it to myself. I exhaled....and I told EVERYONE!

Now since I told everyone I felt compelled to continue to live up to it. The ball was already rolling anyhow. No turning back. No more excuses. And I've got a 30th birthday coming up in April. Now it's a little less than 2 months away. So I decided to step it up a notch by adding cardio and weight training in. That's a big step for me folks. I'd never had the guts to really work out on my own before. I never had the drive or ambition, nor did I ever believe in myself enough to do it. I was always crippled by a ridiculous fear of failure. But this time something was different. I had the perspective now to know where I'd been and the knowledge that I never wanted to return to that place in my life again, and the feeling of accomplishment that comes from losing weight all on your own. As I had said many times in the past, doing something is always better than nothing at all. So now I'm weight training for 30 minutes 3-5 times a week. And I'm doing interval cardio 3-5 times a week. Yes I should probably be doing more cardio...but for now it's baby steps. (If you want more detail on what I'm currently doing let me know.)

Now it's been 5 weeks of working out/cardio and I have experienced my first plateau. I was feeling discouraged so I sought advice from a couple of ladies I know that have tremendous success stories. One of them has her own website that you can check out. And both of these ladies have given me so much inspiration and encouragement that I've gotten up the courage to make my own site and see where it takes me. One day at a time.

Where I'm at right now...

I've lost 27 lbs! I feel great! I find myself bouncing around the house like a tremendous weight (literally) has been lifted off of me. I'm confident, for the first time in a long time, that I will not return to my former self. I can and will succeed, I know that with certainty, I just don't know how long it will take. I can actually see the 'light at the end of the tunnel' and it is shining bright! I've got about 22-28 lbs to go, right at my halfway point, and I can't wait to get closer to that goal! Here's a photo of me taken just a week or two ago.



People say my face isn't as puffy, double chin is shrinking, and (though you can't tell by this picture) I don't have the bags under my eyes anymore. I don't necessarily see the difference myself, though I'm my own worst critic and I'm wearing a loose shirt (which is what I'm used to hiding in). When I get up the courage I'll take pictures with form fitting clothes which would help I'm sure.

Disclaimer:

So....I'm a little nervous about putting myself out there for everyone to see, but it's something I want to do anyhow because it's a step in the right direction for me. I feel very vulnerable right now. I'm normally an open book. I'll tell you anything you want to know. Generally I talk too much to begin with. But there's something about the whole theme of this site I created that's a bit unnerving.

A lot of people I know, haven't seen me in a long time. I stayed out of photos that they might see. Some I've avoided going to visit in person. My Facebook and MySpace photos are an outdated picture. Instead I posted one of the last ones where I felt okay about myself. I feel a little guilty about that. I feel like I'm now a part of the stigma that follows every person who's struggled with weight. And I'm too prideful about it. My self-worth I've let be tied to my weight. I feel as if I've let every person in my immediate family down. I feel like they think less of me. Clearly I haven't shown them that I'm a strong individual with the kind of person I had turned into. And since I feel like I've let down the people that are closest to me, I couldn't bear also showing people who hadn't seen me since I'd gained weight, see me like this as well. It's like it made me feel better to be able to "fool" at least some of the people I know. It's like admitting failure and I don't like to fail. I don't like to admit defeat and quit. The less than glamorous pictures of me at my heaviest represent a time of anger, sadness, disappointment, and self-loathing in my life. I don't like seeing them. I don't like even admitting that they exist. But unfortunately I have to face my past so I can get over my past. The new me is trying to be more humble. I'm moving forward. And part of moving forward is accepting my past for better or worse. So I'm putting my story out there as part of my own healing process.

I'm not a great speaker/writer, so bear with me. I just know how to tell it like it is. So I will do that. I will be the open and honest person that I've always been no matter what. And I'll try to keep in mind that at the very least, this is all just free therapy for me. :-)

So here goes nothin....this is me at the start of my journey at 165 lbs in September of 2009....